I went to visit a university in Wales. I loved it. Like uber loved it. Like it is now competing with that other uni I looked at that I fell in love with. Oh well. Yesterday was borderline awful. For me anyway. My English Literature class was interesting. Break was uneventful. I walked with Helen and Beth to the coffee shop, and they told me they weren't sure of whether my birthday celebrations were going ahead or not. Thank God they told me. No-one else bothered. Anyway. Maths with Gale and Louise was awful. I wanted to cry half - way through the lesson, but figured too many people would ask too many questions and I was not up for that. So I stayed. Until the end. Then I escaped. To the common room. Where the two of them later joined me. Well, I say joined me. What I mean is that they sat on the opposite side to me and giggled and shared secrets and all that jazz. [I hope I don't sound jealous] I was disgusted. I decided I would eat my lunch and then head home. I hadn't told anyone about this plan. They they; Louise and Gale and my gay best friend all walked off, obviously to Gales car obviously for some trip that I was NOT invited to. It's always great to know that you are not included. Well. I almost cried here. Figured I would save the last piece of dignity that I had, and save that for walking home. So I did. And I sobbed and sobbed and cried and cried. I got home. Put the TV on and tried to push it to the back of my mind. I watched the Hills. It was good. My mum came home and asked me what was happening with my birthday celebrations. I said that they were no longer going ahead. She asked why. I cried. A lot. Literally couldn't get words out for all my tears. One of my close friends had recommended we had a kind of joint thing together. I was all on board. She called to invite people. Guess who couldn't make it? Gale. To be honest at the time I would have preferred it that way. You don't really say that to one of your close friends who is also close to the person to whom you are wishing not to come. So. I got to school today. Everyone decided we would go to the cinema. So we did. We saw Mamma Mia! It was really good. Before that though, in Economics, I turned to Louise and asked her if 'we were cool' because I felt slightly excluded [understatement of the year but who cares] she said we were cool. I left it there. I didn't get to speak to Gale on her own, but we all went out together tonight, and we had a good time. So I am very happy. =] I am also looking forward to Sunday. Where I get to spend the whole day with him(and a few other people) for my other birthday celebrations.
I'll try and blog again when it ISN'T twenty minutes to one in the morning. =]
G. I. T.
xoxo
7 comments on Lets start with Wednesday
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You're probably going to hate to hear this, but you are at an age when things are cool, then they stink, things are up, then things are down, when your best friends are the best, then your best friends are being jerks, when you feel you belong, and then you feel like an outsider. You will laugh, then cry, will have fun, and then withdraw, you'll feel love, and then feel insulted. It's like when any season is changing into another, there is turbulance mixed in with the process as the old season won't let go and the new season is trying to take control, but the new season doesn't quite get in the groove for a little bit of a while. You were a season of sorts once before and you are now a different season, with more to come. The highs and lows are the transitions...just know it's pretty normal, do what you know is right regardless of feelings (yours or others), and you'll get through just fine.
I didn't hate it at all =] thanks though it is a really useful comment and I think I understand what you mean.
G. I. T.
xoxo
Once upon a time i was very young, ...hard to believe, but true.... I can remember days like you wrote about. They were devastating to me way back then. Now I look back and can't seem to see why things bothered me so.
I think you handle them well. Crying, tho many don't believe so, is a very good way of handling things we have no control over. Often crying keeps anger down and eventually melts away the hurt.
Thanks wallflower1947. I think it is good to cry, though sometimes I feel I'm in the wrong place to do it, like in front of my parents or something. But it helps to get it out.
G. I. T.
xoxo
I know what you mean about it being terribly hurtful to be excluded from things. I've been there myself. It's one of my pet peeves. I think it's so rude to make plans in front of someone and just totally leave them out. But hang in there!!
Thanks purrrplej
All of the comments to this post are right on the money...My sentiments exactly, the words taken right from my mouth.
You're very open and honest with your feelings. When I was your age (the age I think you are) I was too proud and stone cold, it arrests development.
Good for you.
Later on, you'll look back on this time as a good time and you'll have plenty of laughs.